These last few days

have been quite enjoyable. i haven't been busy to the extent that my parents get all pissed but i'm not spending my time idling at home either. sometimes i wonder whether or not i've reverted back to going out for the sake of it. i mean it's always a comforting thought knowing you did everything you could in one day; and usually the illusion of being out of the house provides that feeling when in reality, staying at home could have been much more productive.

so usually i don't initiate things but then i realized that i would never see toy story 3 unless i got off my lazy ass and asked people to see it. sadly i'm not invited to things as frequently as before and i owe it to my lack of effort in maintaining friendships while in new york. it's not that i don't want to keep friends.. it's just that i become very bored with online conversations, and because it's obvious that i'm bored, i'd rather end it than drag out an awkward dialogue.

anyway toy story 3 was a fun watch. i haven't seen 1 or 2 so i had no idea about some of the references to Zerg and the other toys. initially i didn't know what could possibly be so great about this movie to give it a 9.6 on IMDB before deflation. after watching i've realized that i was entertained the whole time and there's nothing i can say that was wrong with the movie. on the contrary, almost every minute had something funny that was not absurdly sexual or coarse. makes me wonder how creative some people out there can be in terms of the greater plot and in the smaller, finer sentences that string the plot together nicely.

karate kid wasn't as good since there were a lot of cheesy moments and half the time i was grimacing at every mis-pronounced word made by the Chinese actors. jayden smith was really good though i must say, and jackie chan finally doesn't seem awkward to watch for me anymore. one thing that was a bit wrong though was the lack of english subtitles for the Chinese parts. there were some exclamations that were vital to the situation that were not translated. perhaps there was some greater significance to this but i can't seem to figure out how it could be more important than making sure audiences understand what's going on. i loved the ending though; the traditional good guys win kind of thing. sorry if i just spoiled it.

on a side interest note, lebron joins dwayne wade and chris bosh in miami to form the new big three. i know there's a lot of hate for lebron right now but come on this guy is human. he is a superstar and what not, and it's unfair to always compare him to kobe bryant, michael jordan, or any great basketball players that have blessed the NBA. people are inherently different and maybe it's that difference that has made lebron such a key figure so far. anyway, i know i'll benefit from this because miami's in the east.. and they'll play the knicks at home at least once for sure. hopefully i'll be free on that day and get myself some tickets. and if no one wants to see it with me then maybe i'll just see it myself because i am that excited to see how dominant this new miami team can be.

these things have really started to take my mind off cindy. i know that at this rate, with me slowly pulling away too, our relationship is clearly not going to be sustainable; but i think i've finally gotten around this, knowing that another person's feelings cannot be controlled no matter how hard i try. i could work off my ass to get a 4.0GPA while pledging for a fraternity, working part-time, and taking the role of treasurer, but no matter what, there is no guarantee i'll be able to get cindy back, or at least not in the same way we were before. and what regrets can i possibly have? that i didn't go with her to vancouver and china? pretty absurd. it's pointless to think over this and invest feelings into it when it's already gone. things have changed and i will need to adapt to an entirely new situation with her when i see her in over a week's time. and i'm going to have to accept that maybe i just wasn't that important to her, and that the length of our relationship is partially due to the ill-timing of it and partially due to the fact that we can't see each other. i still feel shit when i realize how she's sustained over a year's long-term relationship in the past, but that's the past. she's changed now, and i'm not the same guy. it hurts knowing that i couldn't be good enough to keep her without being near her, but what can i do to better things now? give her space. give myself time. and hopefully when we do see each other, we can be good friends again.

it's not so bad once i begin telling myself i can get over it. i think those past few weeks' agony were due to my pessimism and obstinate attachment to the guilt i want her to feel. i don't know if i truly wanted to get back with her, or if i just wanted to get back at her. either way, i'll need to be more of a man and take this on my own shoulders like i always tell others to.

bye