i had fun today

and it's good because i took some things off my mind. i talked to my mum too and she tried counseling me on this whole thing with cindy. i dunno sometimes she does have a point and it helped. but right now i can't resist. it's quite unforgiving of me to make a rant about how she didn't skype me last night when she said she would. she did come online but i was asleep by then. not her fault. but tonight? who knows what she's up to. she's not picking up my calls. i'm assuming she's doing yoga or driving. hopefully she is. i'm in one of my paranoid moods again and i'm thinking she's out with some guy. this isn't healthy for me and i'm going to try and stop it right now.

anyway i hope she picks up her phone soon or comes online. i do miss her and it gets annoying because one day of not seeing her feels like a year. a year's worth of distance and time.. because with each day that passes, she becomes colder and begins to tell me more and more that what i am doing or asking her to do is beyond her boundaries of comfort. if i hadn't invested so many emotions into this, or if it had dragged on for longer, i guess i wouldn't be so intense about this. but god it was 2 months.. i feel like i'm just a page. just some passing moment. i thought i was really significant before, how she told me to have faith because we might be together for over a year. quite honestly i initially thought we'd break up over the summer, but then i began to really fall in love. and now i feel like i'm being punished for it. being punished for doing the very thing i avoided for as long as i was conscious of my emotions. i don't know what implications this has for me. am i just weak? should i have experienced this earlier? am i still not mature or worldly enough?

that could be true. some who's gone through a lot more would not see this as something worth lamenting over. after all we can still be friends, i will get over her eventually, and i can get on with my life. and i could easily not talk to her and that might help things.. but that's all theoretical. i would tell this shit to my friends. i should have written some kind of formula to get over someone.