the things i find funny

seem absurd when i really think about it. i mean why the hell do i crack up uncontrollably at xkcd? they're comics about physics, much of which i don't even understand. anyway i found one today that was really funny and here it is:well clearly the creator must have found it amusing, but i doubt any of my other friends do. i was hoping to link it to someone on my adium list but then i realized no one would laugh. they'd probably ask me why i just wasted 30 seconds of their time and bandwidth. Cindy certainly wouldn't find it funny, probably because she didn't watch fight club.

anyway, it's not that i think i'm special or anything. i just sometimes wish i was slightly more in line with mainstream so that i could fit in with everyone. like if i had a switch or something that delegated between the graces i would need to apply to get along with everyone in any situation. such a wish is achievable i suppose but it might be a bit too late for me to refine all of my tendencies and be so in control of myself that i know how to impress under any circumstance.

moments like these depress me.. momentarily, because i just realize how un-interesting i can be. i'm not creative enough to upload pictures of fashionable clothing or artwork and give them amusing captions; nor do i have the motivation to do so, likely because i don't enjoy such things as much as my friends who take architecture. i'm not really hard-working enough to make heaps of money and busy myself to a degree where i don't even have time to make a blog. i perpetually try to do things that don't truly amuse me though, things that i only do because they make me seem more interesting or more impressive. if i had a choice i'd just play world of warcraft and read comics all day. maybe i'm a geek by nature.

however, because i am ambitious, arrogant, and to some degree arrogant, i do try to keep up a certain image of myself and i do that by hopping over fences spuriously in an attempt to portray more virtues than i actually have. consequently i am often caught in between and in most cases i end up sitting awkwardly on the fence such that i'm not good at anything i do. i tell myself i'll start with something and stick with it so at least i'll be good at just one thing but that always fails. consistency certainly is a virtue that most people overlook. i don't think 5 years ago i would have thought 'hey i should try and be consistent'. back then it was all about doing everything i can and anything i can. i now pay the price of such reckless spontaneity.

the difference between goodnight and bye is
sleeping comfortably and not sleeping